inquiry = shrinking (t)error

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2010-04-25T21:37:00.001+02:00

three-wish thing. He likes to see what questions come out under a bit of pressure, what is important to people, that sort of thing."

"And I wasted one asking him about his name."

With a quick little chuckle of a laugh, "Funny. I wonder what he thought about that."

"Well, he answered it."

"I am sorry about that. I mean the three question limitation. Or I guess I am. And I say that, to be frank Kenner, because Gaddo does make a point with his whole three-question thing. It is cutthroat, and his intention is to paint the company, SGS, in that light."

I swallowed with some difficulty, wondering what point she was getting to.

"Okay ... " I muttered with some, maybe much hesitation.

"We are a serious organization, Kenner. Some might even label us cutthroat. I know that you asked Gaddo about us in that sort of way, whether or not we are an extremist environmentalist company."

She paused slightly, so I filled it with, "Yes, I did."

"I think, perhaps, that I can answer that better than Gaddo. In fact, had you asked me that question, I probably would have responded that we were ideologically extremist. We believe in what we do, and we believe in what we do very strongly. Very strongly.

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2010-04-16T09:34:00.000+02:00

last week with Gaddo."

With barely a pause: "Yes, please hold."

Again, with barely a pause, like they are all working there together in the same office or same formation cubicles: "Hello, Kenner. My name is Muriel Kastcher. You're calling about the position, I take it. Have you made your decision?"

"Ms. Kastcher--"

"Please, just Muriel."

"Muriel, I apologize. I know that I was supposed to call having already made my decision, but I still have some questions."

"Why didn't you just ask Gaddo?"

"Because he only let me ask three questions."

"Oh ... really? That again? He's played that game before, like some version of a

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2010-04-15T11:36:00.002+02:00

thinking that I still smelled the waffles from this morning.

///

I took somewhat of an extended lunch so that I could come home and call SGS from there. So, I waited again for the time-zone thing and dialed in the number. My heart was not racing, but was thinking about it.

Got the european ringing tone.

"Good morning, SGS."

Wondering why they answer in english and feeling more confident than when I last spoke with them, "Yes, good morning. My name is Kenner Blak, and I calling to speak to your boss ... er, uh, CEO ... about a position that was offered to me. I spoke

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2010-04-14T09:52:00.000+02:00

(not as good as the first in the pack), and turned out the light. The 'outside' 'light' came up, like in old fashioned television shows, like The Brady Bunch. Remember? I thought about my phone call tomorrow, and felt confident, at least concerning my intentions. It really was all pretty simple. Like Mara had said. I got sleepy, my cigarette somehow slowing my mind down. The SGS ad with phone number was tucked between some pages in the back quarter of my book. I'd get it in the morning. I smoked myself to sleep, wondering if I'd wake up when Mara got home and

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2010-04-13T08:49:00.000+02:00

so I meted them out over the course of the hours. A couple of times I grabbed a book I was reading, but the shitty programming always reclaimed my attention. Eventually, I managed to move my lethargy to the bedroom, where I should have taken it hours ago. I was too tired to shower before bed like I normally did, but did slap a wet washcloth over my face and made some efforts to brush my teeth. I stripped down to my boxers, and got prone in bed and set my Denver Broncos ashtray on my sternum. I lit my last-of-the-pack smoke

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2010-04-12T13:19:00.002+02:00

we had some more answers.

We passed the rest of the day, and really the rest of the week-end in relaxation mode, cleaning some portions of the house, and including some yard work. But, there was more t.v., music and dope than there was work. But not much more.

///

Sunday night I sat in the recliner chair in front of the t.v. I watched the news, which transitioned over to reality shows, and eventually back to more news. Mara was out with a friend from down the street, taking advantage of a night off. I had only three cigarettes left in my pack when I reclined down,

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2010-04-11T16:15:00.000+02:00

waffle and sprinkled it with a bit of sugar, took a bite and felt the slight crunch of sugar with the warm waffle.

///

After breakfast, I cleaned up the few dishes while Mara read the paper, catching up on the sports she follows, which is just about all of them, and pulling a few recipes from the food section. One was fish related, maybe halibut, and the other threw some sort of spin on corn-on-the-cob.

We didn't talk anymore about SGS, but there was nothing more to say for now, and I was content that she seemed willing to talk if

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2010-04-10T19:02:00.000+02:00

the woman you were supposed to call back, someone else. That Gaddo guy, I'm not sure about his whole idea on discussion and job hiring."

Getting up for the next waffle, I thought about this. Was it that simple?

"Maybe you're right. I mean, it can't hurt, and I can't really take the job like this."

"There you go. That's more the spirit."

"Do you want half of this one?"

"No, you go ahead. I can wait. You call them back. Give them a call on Monday and see what else you can get."

"Yeah, I will."

I buttered my

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2010-04-10T18:53:00.001+02:00

like that," weakly snapping my fingers on the 'that'.

Still stuffing the waffle bites in and still smiling through the chewing and eating, "Ok, ok, so what else. Go ahead."

"Well, for starters, do you think it is such an impossibility?"

"Kenner, you don't know anything about the company or the job. Or, for that matter, the salary. Nothing."

Exasperated, "Yeah, I know, but--" Then giving up, maybe posing giving up, "Yeah, I know, you're right."

"But Kenner, I don't have to be right." Pausing, a swallow and sip of coffee, and then juice. "Call them back. Talk to

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2010-04-10T18:53:00.000+02:00

with my coffee and Mara's o.j. Having buttered and syruped her waffle quickly, Mara was digging in, and so I thought that I would right away too.

"Hey, you know, I would like to talk a little more about this job thing with you."

Smiling and pointing her fork at me, "I knew you were thinking more seriously about it than you were letting on."

"Well, I don't know if I am or was serious about it. I just wanted to talk about it more. I guess I just didn't want to throw the idea out completely, just

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2010-04-10T18:52:00.000+02:00

"How was work last night?"

"Standard stuff," she said into her coffee. "A pretty large group of campers were there, walking on the wild side."

"So, pretty tame?"

"I guess, pretty much, but even the campers had a load of singles from somewhere that they were happily dishing out."

"Well, that's always good. Ready to eat?"

"Yes! More than I thought!"

I took the first waffle out, perfectly brown and crisp and, too hot to hold long, tossed it quickly onto Mara's plate. It landed with a small skid that Mara stopped. I came back to the table

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2010-04-10T17:57:00.000+02:00

worn and in need of a washing, and cheap K-Mart flip-flops. She had rubbed her hair with a towel, a little. But there were still drops falling from her brown locks onto the shoulders of the flannel of her robe, patterned with yellow stars and moons on a light blue sky.

"Man, guess you were hungry. Your hair is barely dry."

"What? Huh? Yeah, a little."

"Anyway, I'll start them a cookin'. Want more coffee?"

"Yeah, please," and she sat down and inhaled the morning kitchen odors, including the hot black liquid, new in her cup.

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2010-04-08T19:13:00.000+02:00

too, please, and can you pour it now that it isn't too super cold?"

"Sure."

I patted her ass, tight but full, and went back to the kitchen, feeling the lack of steam and coolness of the morning as I moved along. And this shift of place and environment, it made me think of clarity and the lack of it. I looked at the batter; it was still there, poured the orange juice, myself another cup of coffee, and shook cigarette number two from half-empty pack.

///

Mara came into the kitchen in her robe, well

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2010-04-08T00:30:00.000+02:00

the shower from the other room, so took Mara's favorite yellow "Wisconsin. Cheeseland!" mug from the cupboard and poured her a cup with the correct dab of honey.

Peeping my head and coffee-cup-filled hand between the wall and the clear shower curtain, I greeted her with a "morning my sexy, exotic dancer."

She smiled through shampoo rinsings, and once her hair was clean and squeaky, she leaned over, took a kiss, and her coffee.

"I made waffles."

"Mmm, sound yummy. Is there orange juice?"

"Yep, ma'am."

"Could I get a big glass of that

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2010-04-08T00:28:00.001+02:00

grey morning with my first cup and my first cigarette, which is always particularly satisfying.

Here in clarity again, I revisited my thoughts from last night and they still seemed somehow ... okay. I was into the mashed potato/SGS thing. I guess, for some reason then, and in some way, I was into the job, even with all its unknowns. I don't think I could make it any more clear for myself, but I would have to for Mara if I had any chance of pursuing this further, pulling the trigger.

I heard

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2010-04-07T17:44:00.004+02:00

get it right. Or, it’s easy for me to get it right. I mean, I've been practicing for some time, and it's not like breakfast is, or has to be, some big deal. Little things are the big deal. And butter makes it all good anyway. So, with some souring buttermilk in the fridge, I decided on waffles. I mixed all the normal and some secret ingredients together and set it aside while I made some coffee. I shit while it brewed and then sat down to the growing light of a

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2010-04-02T05:05:00.007+02:00

doing now? My mind's mashed pots were sounding pretty good right now. Maybe I should talk to her again, see if she wants to eat some too.

///

I hadn't heard Mara come to bed last night, but I knew that my few drinks had made my sleep a sound and difficult-to-disturb one.

I'd prevented a hangover with a few before-bed aspirin and water, so waking, I snuck out of bed and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

Breakfast is Mara's favorite meal of the day, so it's easy to

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2010-03-31T22:37:00.005+02:00

really what makes them good, isn't it? And so my drunken mind lingered on this mashed potato metaphor, making me think that the "lumps" in this SGS deal was what was making it all the more interesting. But then other negative comparisons shimmered through my fog too: lumps of cancer ... lumps of ... No other "bad" "lumps" came to mind. The rest were all "bumps." Maybe "lumps" aren't that bad, as long as they're benign ...

Did I want the job? I didn't seem that mara did. So, what to go about

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2010-03-31T22:25:00.000+02:00

Wheel of Fortune and had two more drinks with my casserole, followed by some microwave popcorn. I had had a few cigarettes too, interspersed in all the eating and drinking and t.v. and my mind wandered in this haze of alcohol and smoke and a full stomach.

Was I really somehow considering the job? It felt like I was.

My mind turned it over and over, without ever quite smoothing it out, like mashing mashed potatoes by hand, there remains a stubborn lump or two (or more). But that's

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2010-03-29T22:08:00.015+02:00

nothing else. Gaddo told me to call and talk with his boss within a couple of days of talking with you."

"and ... here we are talking ... you're not actually considering it, are you? I mean, you know nothing about anything."

Not wanting to toss anything too over-the-top into our discussion, I limply responded, "no ... I mean, how could I?"

///

After napping and a quick dinner of left over tuna casserole and a salad mixture of tomatoes and cucumbers, Mara went to work at about 8:00. I watched some TiVo-ed

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2010-03-28T10:24:00.000+02:00

know they are an environmental group that claims to not be extremist, and that they want me for their advertising work. Gaddo, that's the guy's name, the guy I talked to, was a bit elusive, but not openly so... But, yeah, what do I know? That's about it."

"and so...?"

"and so I don't know. I did a little more searching on the internet, but didn't turn up much more. A few words in passing, some rumors, and one consulting credit, but that was it."

"and--"

"And

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2010-03-27T17:51:00.001+01:00

fucked up. But, really, he was a nice guy. Somehow. We joked and laughed some. It's just the way the conversation went; it's just what happened. And it wasn't mine to control or anything like that."

"So, he had the power in your head to head?"

"Something. You could say that, in a way. He was just someone you listened to, that's all."

"What did he have to say then? What did you find out?"

Relating the facts shyly: "Not much, really, from three questions. I

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2010-03-26T20:51:00.000+01:00

you weren't on the phone with him. It wasn't the place or time to act that way or say those things. I mean, I was calling about a job that I was interested in, trying to learn more about it. I couldn't cop that kind of attitude. What would that have gotten me?"

Mara's face softened, and I could tell that she was with me more now, more on my side, though not all the way there.

Filling the pause, continuing, "I agree it was

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2010-03-25T15:01:00.002+01:00

did that happen? How does that make sense?"

"That's just what he told me."

Still rather incredulous, "And he just hung up at the end of your third answer?"

"No, not like that. I guess I just accepted what he said. I mean, what was I supposed to do?"

"A 'what the fuck' might've worked."

Wanting to steer this to something less confrontational, "Come on, Mara, really?"

"What do you mean?! How about 'come on Kenner, really?'"

"Ok, yeah, I know. You're right. But

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2010-03-24T11:39:00.002+01:00

somewhat for buying). So, the SGS thing was nothing brand new. I had showed her the small square on the page and commented to her on the font and style of it. She agreed, at the time, that it was unique and alluring.

"You called then, huh? You did occupy yourself with something today."

"Yeah, it was a strange experience though, a rather bizarro conversation. All in all, I didn't find out that much. He only let me ask three questions--"

"What? How

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2010-03-23T09:17:00.001+01:00

toward us. When I asked Mara what she was looking at, she responded with the same thoughts I had had earlier: "I was looking at that mirror hanging from the car across the street, and, knowing that I am, that we are, being reflected in it, wondering how well I would have to see in order to actually see my reflection, to see our reflection."

///

Mara knew that I had found the ad in the magazine (the one she had scolded me

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2010-03-22T08:11:00.004+01:00

sat on the porch and I went to crack some non-ice-machine ice, and pour her some whiskey and twist her some lime, after singeing it slightly on the gas stove top. This lets some extra flavor out of the citrus: a trick I learned from my uncle, a barkeep in his earlier years.

I returned to find her staring at the same point I had been before: a car with a busted side view mirror. It dangled, with the mirror facing

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2010-03-21T11:38:00.035+01:00

deathly disappointed. Another drink would be find too. "Guess I'll just have another drink then.

Playing, but the kind with part of the work day finished and another part still to go, "Well, I'm here, but no crunchy sugar."

"Yeah, I know. Guess we could add some."
Still playfully, yet matter-of-factly, to the point, and quasi-seriously "Yes, we could."
"Wanna just have a drink with me out here instead?"
"A small one, but I do wanna nap some too."
She

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2010-03-20T18:52:00.001+01:00

goin'? What did you do today after sleeping in? You barely moved when I said good-bye. Just a turn, and a sigh, and an unsynchronized kiss. Geez," joking and poking fun.

"No extra goodies to bring home?"

"Sorry, busy day. Most everything went."

"Most everything, what does that mean?"

"It means only the shit you don't like was left."

"Oh...yeah...oh well. I've been looking forward to something sweet with crunchy sugar on top." I was not drastically,

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2010-03-19T11:35:00.004+01:00

whole lot keeping us here.

That being said, I wasn't at all sure what was giving me pause or what was I considering. I mean, I didn't know anything about anything, or barely so. I suppose that's why I was waiting on the front steps with my whiskey and cigarettes. Mara would be home soon, around the corner and up the sidewalk, hopefully with some leftover scones or pound cake.

///

"Hey Mar." No baked goods.

"Hey, how's it

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2010-03-18T12:09:00.000+01:00

university area and adjoined to/coexisting with an RV campsite on the same side of the block.

The stripper thing took a little getting used to when I first started seeing Mara, but I've grown more comfortable with it over time. It does bring in the money (and she does bring home the bacon) and the owner of the club, Trey, is a respectable fellow who takes care of and respects his employees.

So, there wasn't a

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2010-03-17T13:35:00.000+01:00

Laundromat. (Yes, the name of the small advertising firm that liked to think of our work and process of work as one of cleansing and renewal. Admittedly, work really was something new, almost everyday.) Mara was not "fully" employed in the true sense of the word; a couple of part-time jobs: a baker in a coffee shop down the road and an exotic dancer in a strip club called "Happy Campers" not too far from the

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2010-03-16T11:10:00.001+01:00

central Wisconsin. We liked it here, had a car that worked, saved some money, rented a small/cozy two-bedroom house and there seemed to be no real reason to leave. That was a good way to put it, as I was having a difficult time acknowledging the SGS thing as something actually "real," as opposed to something more akin to a hoax, or an impossibility.

I was relatively happy (enough?) with my advertising gig at

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2010-03-15T12:55:00.000+01:00

I could throw my money away on these days, and my first intake of whiskey immediately followed my first exhalation of generic smoke.

Would SGS employ a smoker? Maybe that should have been my third question. I laughed a bit out loud and a bit to myself, trying to imagine what Gaddo would have thought about that one.

Mara and I certainly were not living any kind of highlife, no current heydays in south

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2010-03-14T13:31:00.000+01:00

to her about them.

Mara was usually pretty open-minded, and I could see her being the same now. She would be intrigued though perhaps not interested. For her, it would be a sort of mystery to be looked into and figured out like one would read in a book or on some show on t.v., but not through her or our first hand experience.

I lit a generic cigarette, which was all that

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2010-03-13T08:59:00.000+01:00

(probably deflating myself (pin to the balloon), knowing that I should), I took one more step backwards: maybe they just contain shards of white truths.

So, I left my computer, poured myself a drink, grabbed my cigarettes and headed outside to the front steps to think about these white things, SGS, and if and how I would talk to my wife about them. I thought also, why I would want to talk

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2010-03-12T09:57:00.000+01:00

mind, some ideas. Didn't it? At least more than I'd got from any other resource.

So, all together, I was pretty much where I started with the exception of a just-got-outta-dodge girlfriend who headed to the continent in hopes of preserving a timeless and sacred environmental bliss. Admittedly, this was rather tabloid. I told myself, though, that even tabloids contained shards of truth, or shards of some truth. Or, feeling deflated

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2010-03-11T08:48:00.000+01:00

I see myself as plains and fields.

Breath out, I feel together with my surroundings.

Breath in, I see myself as calm water.

Breath out, I reflect the sun and space.

Breath in, I see myself as that space.

Breath out, I am free.

Of course I was just free floating in dark and distant (and maybe stormy) waters here, but this site seemed to offer something for my inquiring

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2010-03-10T12:12:00.000+01:00

past, present, and future are linked and inseparable and that Plutonium-239 has a half-life of more than 24,000 years and remains dangerous for ten times longer than that. In other words, time "immemorial" will be pretty fucked up. Also there, were these meditation words:

Breath in, in-taking breath.

Breath out, letting it go.

Breath in, I see myself as a blossoming tree.

Breath out, I feel fresh.

Breath in,

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2010-03-09T08:31:00.000+01:00

nuclear power waste disposal information site that had some sort of Buddhist thing going on with both its graphics and language, SGS is listed as a third tier consultant. The site promoted a sense of oneness with the universe and explained how this oneness is being injured by the creation and (attempted?) "disposal" of nuclear waste. This appeared to be especially true since, according to Buddhist thought, the

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2010-03-08T09:20:00.000+01:00

short text describing SGS much like Gaddo did.

On some indie blog/diary, SGS is referenced in the following sentence: "My girlfriend stopped talking to me one day. Said she was heading to Europe for more meaningful work/life. Some group called SGS hired her. Something with the environment. Huh? I've tried to call, write, e-mail, but nothing. Does anyone know anything about this SGS?"

On a

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2010-03-07T18:34:00.000+01:00

I hope we speak again."

There was a second's silence before the indicative click of the line's disconnection from his end. Then I hung up too.

I re-located the magazine ad, spent several seconds with it, and then turned on my computer to see what else I could find.

///

What else I could find on three websites:

On some international small business website, I found a

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2010-03-06T09:21:00.000+01:00

decision to Suez, the woman who answered the phone. She's the real boss/decision maker/SGS guru anyway. For any sort of correspondence purposes, her name is spelled like the canal, but pronounced like it is short for Suzy, even though it's not."

I managed a soft, "okay." I really had no idea what else to say.

"It was a pleasure talking with you, Kenner.

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2010-03-05T18:17:00.000+01:00

to have you join SGS. There is a bit more information regarding SGS and our history 'out there,' but truly, not much. See what you can dig up, see what you think, talk with your wife, give us some consideration, and please let us know your decision in the next forty-eight hours. You won't need to speak to me again, but just pass your

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2010-03-04T10:53:00.004+01:00

care. Our ACTION is advertisement which is why, I'm assuming, you have called."

"Yes, it is."

"Well then, Kenner, I'll leave you to think about our conversation and what I've shared with you. There's no need to forward us your information, cv, etc... We are well aware of your work and your reputation in the field, and we would be pleased and excited

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2010-03-03T09:29:00.000+01:00

sure that Gaddo thought that I would back down, for whatever reason, and attracted to the petty idea/opportunity to show him up, I told him yes, I would like for him to answer it.

"We are not extremist, Kenner. We are, however, focused and dedicated to our causes, earnest in our work, ethics, and ideologies. We care, and want others to

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2010-03-02T18:25:00.000+01:00

the world, or to as much of it as we can."

"Are you some kind of environmental PETA?" I blurted, forgetting that I might be using my last question, like a last wish on a magic lantern.

Yessiree. "You know, that would be your third question. Would you still like me to answer it?"

I paused, considering the question. I was

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2010-03-02T07:34:00.000+01:00

it, if not enhance it. What does it mean, and more importantly, what does it feel like to be a tree that thrives? What is the synapse reaction between unaffected air and clean water? What happens at that, at those points and planes and places? That's what we aim to discover, and that is what we aim to advertise to

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2010-02-28T09:45:00.000+01:00

sound in 'snow,' not 'fool.'

"Let me start with this," as if sort of rehearsed. "SGS is a company that works for and toward the environment. I know 'toward' may sound somewhat strange, but it is accurate. We promote a sort of joining with the environment, as a means to better understand it and more thoroughly and thoughtfully protect

58

2010-02-27T22:42:00.000+01:00

fumble my words, "Can you tell me more about SGS and the position you've advertised?"

"Good. Good multi-faceted question, Kenner. That is your name, right? Kenner Bloost?"

"Yes. Yes it is," wondering how he knew, but not displaying pure astonishment. I mean there is caller ID after all. He even pronounced my last name correctly, like the 'o'

57

2010-02-26T11:53:00.001+01:00

questions."

Just two more? Three questions? Really? Did I miss something? Gaddo's tone was shifting and unidentifiable, so I got "serious," responded with an "okay," and took a few seconds to get my question straight in my head.

Carefully, and watching my phrasing, as if I only had one shot at this and couldn't slip up, stutter,

56

2010-02-25T09:36:00.002+01:00

describe it, they just threw it together, came to them in a Boggle game, but it also happened to be something real, a real name, which they discovered sometime later."

He laughed and in response, I did too, but without faking it. As that began to wane though, he started back:

"So, you have two more

55

2010-02-24T10:03:00.000+01:00

where would you like to begin, what would you like to know?"

"Um, this might sound funny, but I was wondering about your name: Gaddo. Where are you from? What sort of name is it?"

Seemingly impressed by my first question, "The name is African, more specifically, Nigerian. But I am Swiss. As my parents

54

2010-02-23T08:44:00.000+01:00

tied to the idea that it is honorable and worthwhile to stay behind the iron curtain, hidden yet "working." Isn't that right comrade Gaddo? In fact, maybe this was the beginning for me. I too, a comrade, behind the now "green" curtain. Comrade Kenner...

"Hello?" interrupted Gaddo.

"Oh yes, sorry, I was just--"

"So,

53

2010-02-22T12:58:00.000+01:00

to quickly ponder two things: the origins or derivations of the name Gaddo, and the fact that he still didn't know my name.

His name sounded like something more Eastern European to me, but that is probably only based on generalization and the media. You know, like Eastern European fundamentalist terrorists that remain

52

2010-02-21T16:50:00.000+01:00

Supposing again, "Yes, I suppose that would be a good place to begin."

Gaddo paused here, as if he weren't sure where to begin, as if he were trying to find or figure out the what's and where's of it all for himself as well. This lull in the conversation allowed me

51

2010-02-20T18:41:00.000+01:00

Gaddo continued, "Well, good. So, what do you think?"

"I think I don't really know what to think."

"Yes, I suppose that is a fair response."

"I don't intend to be so vague," I said, finally finding a conversational groove, "but more than anything I called to find out more information."

50

2010-02-19T09:28:00.000+01:00

I was meant not to have found it. "Yes...I did," sputtering for a coherent strain of response, "yesterday, and I...thought I'd call...sir."

Sir? I wasn't sure about the whole 'sir' thing, but it felt safe, even if it didn't sound that way.

Unfazed by my piecemeal thoughts,

49

2010-02-18T10:10:00.000+01:00

I called the morning after finding the six lines in the back of the magazine. I spoke only briefly with a secretary type person, and then was connected to Gaddo.

He began, surprised, both casually and pleasantly so:

"So, you found our small advertisement, huh?"

Wondering if, by this,

48

2010-02-17T12:26:00.000+01:00

the ad was a bit not-all-there, cryptic, subliminal perhaps, and abbreviated. Still, there was something that yanked me, or wanted to yank me, from my current stage of life. The font, I later learned, was their own.

I needed to wait for our time zones to jive, but

47

2010-02-16T08:26:00.004+01:00

once it's on the conveyor.
///
The advertisement was this: or something like this: I recycled it: It was in green print on a white background in a simple, yet unknown font:

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
gggggggggggggggggg
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
green advertising
help us help US
001.41.81.231.9722

Why did I call? I admit,

46

2010-02-15T09:00:00.000+01:00

crunchy, buttery, toasted bread, and salad fix-ins. Making such a small purchase made it that much easier and more guilt free to slide the magazine (third from the front (who wants an already-fingered-and-paged-through copy?)) from the display and onto the conveyor. And there's no turning back

45

2010-02-14T09:59:00.000+01:00

the flush-less, composting toilets that are written about within. And, because my wife was not there telling me not to buy it, I picked one up with my small purchase of sea salted almonds, a six-pack of real cola-nut cola, too-expensive chocolate with morsels of

44

2010-02-13T10:24:00.000+01:00

paper, or even recyclable paper. But, they are too tempting (because of the gloss and heft), and you feel like you are doing something good by the mere purchasing of something promoting the environment even if you don't get around to building and installing

43

2010-02-12T07:59:00.000+01:00

the heart Switzerland. It's a bit more eastern. So, a lung then.

///

I found a sizable add in some environmental living/architecture magazine. One of those high gloss, high heft magazines that costs ten plus dollars and is probably not printed on recycled

42

2010-02-11T08:38:00.000+01:00

not. . .)

///

SGS, Sleep Green Sleep. Environmental advertising. I still scratch my disillusioned head in how quickly and efficiently I landed this job in the neutral heart of the Confoederatio Helvetica. Okay, maybe Chur, the location of SGS's international headquarters, is not exactly

41

2010-02-10T08:58:00.000+01:00

and follow the phone line to one's ear/head/body. It seems that my doubt in this suggests that I also doubt that all our SGS green phones are purely solar powered? Not sure if these issues are mutually exclusive or

40

2010-02-09T15:03:00.002+01:00

phones work even the electricity is out? (Isn't there some urban legend/myth that the general believing populace praise as the gospel according to someone, which warns to not talk on the phone during electrical storms since lightning could strike

39

2010-02-08T09:49:00.000+01:00

Roger, a helpful acquaintance/friend at work, called for me from his green phone. Literally green, but environmentally sound too, as it and all the phones at SGS are somehow solar powered. I mean, it seems plausible, but don't

38

2010-02-07T12:14:00.000+01:00

could I brush and floss enough? Eat better? More apples? One can dream of that better world, place, day. . .

But eventually, after saying "we really should take care of this" to each other numerous times, appointments were made.

37

2010-02-06T15:30:00.000+01:00

out here, duties to my teeth, and perhaps others as well, fell into an I'll-take-care-of-that-later categorical grouping. And, later became later still. I wondered foolishly sometimes if maybe I could do without dentist check-ups. On my own,

36

2010-02-05T09:18:00.000+01:00

'dentist' pops up in conversation. Funny, it is a sort of 'green' topic or idea. Promoting a clean earth, promoting clean teeth. Green earth, green teeth. Ha, green humor. With the time-consuming and not hassle-free move

35

2010-02-04T08:50:00.001+01:00

LZ, this is Patricia from Save Your Smile Dental, I'm calling to let you know that you're due for your biannual check-up. Would you like to schedule an appointment?"

So, people talk, and the word

34

2010-02-03T08:38:00.002+01:00

where non-natives may never quite figure out all the angles and niches and insider scoops. And with no handy six month reminder notices in the (e)mail or friendly dental receptionist phone calls. "Hi, Mr.

33

2010-02-02T11:46:00.000+01:00

thoughts in the subliminal reaches of the mind.

***

With no dental insurance here in a sort of euro-disney-foreign-employment situation (even in the normally feel good aura of a quasi-environmental type of advertising gig),

trente-deux

2010-02-01T09:10:00.000+01:00

important to not over cool and freeze. It seems that once milk crystals are formed, they stay (for too long to wait) on the cup/milk circumference line and surface like dirty

31

2010-01-31T18:18:00.000+01:00

dessert, 2. pour milk in cup/glass and put in the freezer, 3. wait about five minutes, 4. take milk out and enjoy with item from #1 (see above). It is

30

2010-01-30T16:23:00.000+01:00

grocery-store-shelved-non-kept-cold milk, the refrigerator itself does not get enough heat out of the milk. So, my alomst-every-night 'ritual' (perhaps too strong of a word) goes like this: 1. mentally determine

29

2010-01-29T10:19:00.000+01:00

word. Oh, and this milk is 'bio' which I think is some faux euro version of organic.

Almost as if my small euro fridge was in cahoots with the

28

2010-01-28T08:19:00.000+01:00

pretty skim, doesn't it? Or maybe that is just what skim is, what skim means with all its unpublished and hidden statistics and percentages residing under that one

27

2010-01-27T08:54:00.000+01:00

variations of/on lactose, fat percentage, soy, rice, organic, goat. . .), we finally settled on a liter, green and white box of 0,1 percent fat milk. That seems

26

2010-01-26T09:04:00.000+01:00

on a farm or at a laiterie (roughly and poorly translated as 'milkery,' but really like a dairy products shop), drinking, gulping, and spitting all the

25

2010-01-25T09:14:00.000+01:00

so of some sampling (it would have been easier, cheaper, timelier, and perhaps quite fun had we been able to do this like wine tasting,

24

2010-01-24T09:54:00.001+01:00

had been missed since moving abroad to small-town Switzerland and having to figure out the whole high-temperature pasteurization, buying-warm-milk-on-a-grocery-store-shelf thing.

After a week or

23

2010-01-23T22:09:00.000+01:00

then, with a few more cookies which I ate somewhat absentmindedly in front of the tv, but still savoring what it was that

22

2010-01-22T09:16:00.000+01:00

and my instant return to it, shoved the other, ugly thoughts into a furnace where they disappeared very quickly. I was left,